Relationship and Suffering

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

This is what Paul writes in his letter to the Philippians. Suffering. This is an idea I'm not sure that we can ever fully grasp, at least here in America. I'm sure I cannot fully grasp it, but I know that we do suffer, all of us in some way or another, and I know that I have suffered too. But sharing in sufferings? That seems rather sadistic....

Suffering has a way of identifying us. I'm not sure I can really explain what I'm thinking here, but like Paul wrote, sharing in Christ's suffering would identify Paul more closely with Jesus. Or maybe not identify, but pull Paul into closer intimacy with Jesus. Like communion. Sharing Christ's suffering, partaking with Him His body and blood-the bread and wine are symbols of His life spilled out for us.

I had a thought this morning during our church service. Communion is a symbolic act we partake in to be identified with Christ; to remember Him in His suffering which was for our redemption. This act though seems to me to be almost disgraced or maybe even raped if we share in communion without a true, intimate relationship with Jesus. We're taking part in a remembrance of His suffering, but having nothing to do with His suffering. That doesn't make much sense to me. I guess really this is what I'm beginning to think: relationship is the key to suffering. I'm wondering if suffering and relationship can't exist without one another.

It is possible that at this point we need to come up with a definition for these two words. So let me paint a picture. Relationship. Relationship that is healthy and true requires committment. It requires hard times and good times; seasons of life. Communication, forgiveness, offense; a true relationship consists of these things, and other thoughts as well, I'm sure.
Suffering. Suffering is like that deep anguish felt at the heart level. Where hope is lost, sobbing can't even express the emotion, there are no words, no actions, no thoughts that can explain, heal or comfort. Having a flat tire on a highway and needing to be towed is not suffering. Not in my world anyway. Losing the biggest, most important game of the year would not fit under this definition. No, I'm thinking suffering consists of things like death, losing a loved one, being betrayed by a close and trusted friend, watching a nation die from a deadly disease or a wicked political figure, homelessness, forsakeness, loneliness, being abandoned or divorced. Those ideas capture suffering in my mind. Torture too.

And this is why I think suffering and relationship are inseperable. To truly be in relationship, you are committing to loving and walking with another through whatever life may bring them. Like marriage, but not limited to that act. If you abandon your friends during hard times, then you are not a friend. If you walk away during suffering of another then you do not love. Even as I write this I'm wondering how awful I am and have been to people that I have observed in the middle of suffering. Do I love those in the midst of AIDS crises around the world? Or maybe I'm most responsible for the suffering of those I am in relationship with.

I Corinthians speaks of love: love is not boastful or proud, it does not keep a record of wrong, it doesn't envy; it considers others better than itself, it always protects, always seeks to heal, always trusts, always hopes. Gosh, love sticks with another no matter what a season of life may bring. Love is faithful.

When we are in relationship with others is it possible that it is in suffering that we are identified with that person? Could it be that when our friend suffers, we grow closer to them and become one with them when we choose to suffer with them? We share in their suffering. Meaning, we take on their suffering as our own. Not to make light of what others go through, or to think that we could ever fully understand or feel the weight of what another is going through, but we choose to be with them, to hold their hand, to suffer with them.

The friends that are my closest are the ones that suffered with me during hard times, and I in turn have suffered with them in the midst of horrible suffering. We have shared in our sufferings, and have in a way become one with one another. We are identified with each other. We have loved each other and are in relationship with one another.

My wife, my best friend Joel and my other best friend Jay, man, we have some deep intimacy in our friendships because of some shared suffering. Relationship.

And so we remember Christ's suffering through communion. To remember His suffering without sharing in His suffering... its like we'd be disgracing what He did, like claiming relationship with Him but not having been identified with Him by suffering with Him. I wonder if that is why Paul said he wanted "to share in the sufferings of Christ..."? He was in relationship with Jesus and was willing to walk through any season, any circumstance that that relationship might bring with it.

I am not proposing that we go looking for suffering. Rather, I believe that the natural way of life and relationship is that eventually suffering will come. The question becomes then, what will we do with the suffering we are given? Will we avoid it and avoid sharing it; walking away from true relationship, or will we embrace it, hold hands and press on through it, knowing that it will bring out in us an identity with Christ, and intimacy that could never be realized without it. It'd be like having a marriage but never having a fight, or never crying together. It is ridiculous to think about. The very thought of marriage brings with it the expectation of suffering with another; holding each other at the death of a parent, or supporting the other in the midst of a job loss. That is the kind of committment and love that is required of relationship.

Relationship and Suffering go hand in hand. My prayer is that I will continue to long for relationship, and gladly accept and endure the suffering that goes along with it. Both with others and with Christ. Sharing in His sufferings so to become like Him in His death, so somehow, to attain to the resurrection, the joy that comes with endurance and intimacy....

Random thoughts I know, but may God our Father by His Spirit in us keep our hearts soft and humble before Him that we may remain moldable and loving in His hands.