Too Many Words

Ahhh.... we talk so much don't we? I mean humans. We have so much to say; every thought or opinion, judgement, hurt, accomplishment. There seems to be some incessant need within us to say just about everything that comes to our minds. It gets tiresome, doesn't it?
Sometimes, I just have to withdraw-its like I get exhausted of hearing all the things I have to say, which most of the time carry nothing of meaning or importance; which is fine I suppose, except that most of those words usually are either defending my point of view, or knocking someone else down, or attempting to make me look really cool. And that gets tiresome I guess.

To be frank, I get pretty sick of listening to all the empty words that others have to say too. Its like I want to scream and pull out my hair, or at least get in a car and drive for about three days listening to nothing except the hum of the pavement rolling by under the rubber on the tires. That's a good sound. It seems to carry meaning, for sure more meaning than roughly 90% of anything I think we have to say.

Richard Foster in his fantastic book, "Celebration of Discipline" writes this: (yes, more words, but fantastic nonetheless)

The tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation. A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image. We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding. If I have done some wrong thing (or even some right thing that I think you may misunderstand) and discover that you know about it, I will be very tempted to help you understand my action! Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on all self-justification.

This pretty well sums up what I feel about words. And still, I fall victim to the very thing that exhausts me and drives me nuts. I too scramble to justify my every action or thought, am quick to express the reasons why to my thoughts so as to portray myself in the best possible light. I have even noticed lately that I am manipulative enough to share weaknesses with others in a way that seeks to win their approval. How deep is this reservoir of need and fear and disorder within me?!

One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that it makes feel so helpless. We are so accustomed to relying upon words to manage and control others. If we are silent, who will take control? God will take control, but we will never let Him take control until we trust Him. Silence is intamately related to trust.... One of the fruits of silence is the freedom to let God be our justifier. We don't need to straighten other out....
Catherine de Haeck Doherty writes, "All in me is silent and . . . I am immersed in the silence of God". It is in solitude that we come to experience the "silence of God" and so receive the inner silence that is the craving of our hearts.
(Foster, Celebration of Discipline)

I believe that silence truly is the craving of our hearts. It certainly is becoming more and more the craving of mine. God please, give me the discipline to hold my tounge. I'm tired of self-justification, of straightening others out. And help me to be grace-filled in listening to others words; grace-filled, yet firm as well. May others never feel they need to manipulate me or justify themselves to me or prove themselves to me. What a fear we live with and battle against.

Peter Hiett, the pastor at Lookout Mountain Community Church in Evergreen, Colorado has many times spoken about The Word. John 1:1 in the Bible reads, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.... And the Word became flesh and has dwelt among us..."
I remember one specific summer evening service when Peter spoke about the Word, and that He truly has said all that is necessary to be spoken. Jesus. Jesus is the Word, and He has spoken into all eternity all that ever needs to be spoken. Love and forgivness and glory and honor and truth. We were encouraged to speak Jesus to others. And that makes so much sense to me really. I just struggle at doing it. But I mean, if I really spent my life focusing on speaking Jesus to others, I would never waste words trying to justify or build up or protect myself. I suppose my words wouldn't look so much like what we think of as words, you know, meaningless noises and grunts and unintelligible sounds, but my words would look more like Jesus. My words would be love. Be hope. Be truth and grace. My words would bring forgiveness and honor and glory. My words would be Jesus. I suppose I wouldn't even have to speak. I could just love and I would be speaking Jesus, except without sound. But all meaning.

And that is the ongoing struggle. Me, (my self, flesh, pride) vs. God (love, Jesus). The ongoing battle will always be to sacrifice my self to God, give my self to Him for His use and for His glory instead of seeking my own. Thanks be to God above that He has already redeemed me, place His Spirit within me, already set me free for all eternity. Thank you Jesus that the battle has already been won. Now I just need You to continue growing me...

Its true. Words are overrated. I want to be done speaking. I want to be done justifying, protecting, arguing, owning. I want to speak, or rather live, Jesus Christ-His forgiveness, His love, His grace, His truth. He is love, He is forgiveness, He is truth and He is grace.

I'm done with too many words. There's too much of me. There needs to be more of Him. May it be so.